Month: September 2006

FAT. That’s what our children are. We feed them McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, and Hebrew National hotdogs with no remorse. The average child will develop type 2 diabetes by 11, a 3 year contract with the Oakland Raiders by 18, and death by 22. With American life expectancy what it is due to uncontrolled obesity, its no wonder the rest of the world hates us: we’re gassy, smelly, and use two seats at the UN cinema. I would say the Chinese are already packing their suitcases to move into what will be an empty continent of dead fat bodies by 2021, but by my picture you can see the Asians who move into this land aren’t faring any better. However, I agree with fat people in general: it’s not all our fault. After extensive research it has been discovered that this entire nation is built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. Obesity was a result of our forefathers disrespect for the native cultures of this land. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have White Castle and pay my penance for raping Navajo land.